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aviator1

Point Blank: She shot me

Posted on 2009.03.21 at 05:52
Tags: , ,

So recently, I've been seeing this guy, a classmate in one of my subjects at the university. Everything seems to be going well... all the sweet things happening. That irresistable urge to see him everyday... Well, I would actually settle for something bromantic that's why I keep reminding myself to supress that "I wanna be more than friends" talk. But of course I couldn't help telling this to my girl buddies.

So they know. All three of them... the married girl, the dating girl, and the single since birth girl... I told them about Kieth.

Kieth and I however, we're just doing things guys do. Drink and party and check out girls. I know... he's so "guy". That's exactly why I'd rather be friends forever with him. Just like the bromance going on with me and my best mate. With him we do nothing but talk about comics and stupidity and drink... very "boy", I know. But it's fun like that, and I like it.

Anyways Kieth and I was out drinking when single since birth girl, had this urge to drink and see me. She doesn't now Kieth personally so I had to introduce them blablabla. Turns out girl needed a date, I usually save her in this occasions but I made Kieth pretend he's her BF.So they did, and her friends did thought they were a couple. That's done. Girl pal is saved! Hooray for me. But then Girl pal started sending text messages to Kieth... and Kieth sorta plays along...

Busy month for me after that. I haven't seen single girl for a while and Kieth, I just hang out with him whenever I can. So come friday, I miss Kieth and the rest of our school friends so we all get drinking... Kieth was actually home then and he didn't want to get outta the house cause he ain't got no money left. So, because I wanted to see him I had to make him come... "the beer's on me!" I said. Party... yeah!
From out of nowhere, single girl, called and said she wants to hang out with me... of course, I invited her over.

Kieth got wasted. I was even leading the tease for single girl to kiss him but only because I know single girl has this ideal bullcrap about kissing only the person she'll marry. But guess what she still kissed Kieth... and she kissed him again. And before that night ended, they were like the sweetest couple in the party.

I was trying to be happy but really... Bull Shit. Of course I can understand Kieth acting that way... but single girl pal/buddy/friend... HELLO?!
I mean she could've asked me, or told me she had a thing for Kieth, and I know I'd be all right. I've met most girls Kieth used to date and we're fine. I thought I could shake off the feeling but man... I'm really pissed. And I can't do anything about it because I'm supposed to cheer on for my friend kieth who's got serious game even when he's drunk.

Well... FUCK THEM BOTH!

It's the hardest really, I can't be aloof or he'll get suspicious... wll whatever.
 


aviator1

POST

Posted on 2007.11.07 at 13:10
 hey it still works... s'been a while you see, necer been on-line for 5 months so i wondered... 
Well... I really want to quit comming out, i don't feel like it's gonna do me any good...

Just recently Temptation had been luring me to do nasty stuffs... I did succumb for the last time... 
I felt I was the devil myself because it was me luring another for a quick lust driven moment... 
I got what I want but I felt really bad... I had to say sorry and I had to promise not to invite him to 
do those kind of acts again... It was more of my choice actually. Sometimes I could feel he wants
to do it, but he's trying to help me keep my promise... sigh.

My homosexuality really is nothing more than lust... I hate it. I can't picture myself witha man in the future...
A wife and some kids, that's for me.

get hard

I'm such a weakling!

Posted on 2006.11.13 at 14:40
darn it just couldn't do it...
I AM burning to get out of my closet but man! can't summon enough heat to actually generate FIRE!
would I want to burn? i guess not... must be the reason why i can't accept
my gay-ness completely.... it's just lust for men, that's all... and I think if i won't indulge into it,
Ill be
oK. Well, what the fuck am I doing here? ... HMMM...  Well, I see this as a release... have to let some
steam out or else I'd
explode. Wouldn't want that really.

Hey Chuck, I miss you man! :o) I don't know... you got something about you I like.

Well so here I am partner-less...    all alone at home, brooding lust. I can't help it, I'm a guy, and guys
think about sex every few seconds, it just so happened that I'm lusting over men. Damn. Didn't want to sound shallow but that's what I feel and try as I might to banish these thoughts... I JUST CAN'T      

I  got this neighbor whom I spy on every night... Yeah well, I'm pretty voyueristic... It's the cat in me. Meow! 
Well, he's been my neighbor for a year now but we never had any encounters... we don't talk 
to each or even say hi or whatever... we just mind our own bussiness.
I don't think there's anything 
special about him,
I got my eyes glued on him just because everytime he pass by the hall way, 
he'd be wearing  nothing but his boxers...
I feel teased really. I would never lose sight of that bulging crotch,
and that cute ass. DAMN!

Everynight before I sleep, all I could think of is how his cock is half stiff... warm, soft, and rudely 
growing to it's full erection inside my mouth. 

ONE night, I just couldn't help it. I didn't have any plans... Every inch of me was screaming for sex... 
sex with the neighbor. I want my tongue all over him and his on mine...
AAARGH!!! I really was out of
my mind. I kept waiting for the right time to tell him my indecent proposal. But... of course it's a but... but weakness possessed me. I couldn't tell him anything. I don't want to tell him anything.

 

So there, I just drew it. I'm kneeling before my unreachable boy... It scares me that I have a feeling he's
some kind of homophobe... 

I really hope not.
I'm still thinking of showing him this drawing... giving it to him , personally. DAMN.

aviator1
Posted on 2006.02.10 at 03:22
hmmm. I'd rather have this tuned in private mode but I've just started, ain't got anyone in my friends lists yet.

I like writing journals and I share them with friends I trust. I had a blog before but I couldn't really dish anything. I was being consciuos, friends from real world read that deceased blog. I didn't want them reading about me fancying this cute guy... sigh.